Hello fellow eaters. This edition of Don't Eat That will either show that I am fairly normal because other people have done the same thing or that I am absolutely crazy. Read on to find out more...
The other night I was looking at myself in the mirror while I was brushing my teeth and I started thinking about my goals in life. I'm pretty happy with the progress I've made in my career, but my financial goals and my weight loss goals, not so much. In those areas, I feel like I'm constantly moving one step forward and 10 to 20 steps back. So I started to become frustrated with myself and my two sides, the therapist side and the client side, came out. Now, as a therapist, my job is to help guide the client towards reaching his or her goal. One way to do that is to confront the client with his or her own words and actions as a way of helping them see how they are blocking the way to their goals. So the therapist side of my brain began telling the client side of my brain that what I am doing is not working. Continuing to behave the way that I have been is not going to get me where I want to go. I reminded myself that the definition of insanity is when you continually behave one way and believe it will lead to a different result. That is what I've been doing. I don't know why, but I seem to think that I can continue to eat what I want and exercise half-heartedly and lose weight. Meanwhile, I have a freezer full of Jenny Craig meals that I know if I eat and follow the plan, I will loose weight. The same thing goes with my money. Bills will not go away if I ignore them. On the contrary, the phone will ring off the hook with people from India who go by the name of Bill (and you know that is not their real name) on the other line asking for credit card payments and wanting to know why you fell behind. I really am tired of both of these things and it is time I did something about it. The therapist side of my brain said, "You've said this before and yet, here you are in the same place and nothing has changed." "That's not true," the client side said, "I've lost some weight." "But you haven't lost enough and, frankly, I'm tired of being in the 260s. It's time for a real change and not just lip service." The therapist side is right, of course. There is something that continually holds me back. I haven't completely figured out what it is, but I really need to do some searching and find out why I just can't seem to make certain changes stick.
I also really need to look into some real therapy. Going between two different sides of my brain is beginning to make me feel a little schizophrenic. So, the quest to loose weight and make positive changes for myself continues. I do believe I will move off this plateau that I am on and begin to move again. Also, some new options have opened up on the financial front and I do believe I will be out of the red very soon.
I shall keep you posted. Also, if anyone else ever has these kinds of discussions with themselves, please let me know. It would be nice to know that I am not so strange. Also, I am taking suggestions for good therapists in the Sarasota area, preferably ones who specializes in dealing with multiple personalities. :)
Until next time, keep working towards your goals and keep eating!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Disappointment
Well it's week three into the new year and, so far, I'm doing pretty well in the weight loss arena. If you remember, in my last post, I informed everyone that I gained 8 pounds over Christmas. Well, so far, I've lost 4 pounds, 3 last week and 1 this week. So I'm back on the right track and feeling pretty good about myself. I'm also feeling good about the way I am handling things in my life. The title of this blog is disappointments and I experienced a big one last week. Now, to me, disappointment means when something you want pretty badly doesn't work out the way you would like. It could involve work, a relationship, a planned trip, it doesn't matter. It is just something that you were hoping for that does not occur. In the past, I would handle disappointment by eating my weight in ice cream (well, not exactly, but you get the point). Food has always been my comforter. I don't know why, but there is something very soothing about eating, especially eating something you really enjoy. Well I realize that it is not healthy or good for weight loss to gorge on sweet, fattening treats just because I'm upset. So when I faced a major disappointment last week, I turned to friends instead of food. You know what, I received that same feeling of comfort from talking to my friends as I felt when I ate. The good part is that I don't consume any calories when I talk to my friends. In fact, I probably burn some because I don't just talk with my mouth, I also use my hands and arms. Also, by talking to friends, I was able to work through my hurt and disappointment and I have begun to feel better. So talking things out is definitely better for me than eating (who knew?) So, to all my friends who allowed me to chew their ears off as I worked through my feelings last week, thanks! You guys are awesome and really kept me from going off the deep end (in regards to food, personally, I fell off the deep end years ago). I also want to thank everyone for reading. Writing this blog has really helped me identify my food triggers and has kept me honest about my weight loss. Who knows, if I wasn't writing this blog, I may have eaten my weight in ice cream last week instead of handling things in a more healthy way. So, for all of you who have faced disappointments or are currently trying to get over one, keep your chin up and don't be afraid to talk. This too shall pass. :)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Resolutions and responsibility
Happy New Year everyone. Yes I know it's already the second week of January and I am finally getting around to writing, but between traveling and getting back into the swing of things at work, time has not been on my side.
Ok, I made it through the holidays, visiting with my family, and all the fattening food and I ended up gaining about 7 pounds, which puts me back to where I was when I first started this blog (talk about coming full circle). Since this is a new year, I think it's fitting that I'm starting over again, don't you agree?
Now, I'm sure some of you out there make New Year's resolutions, maybe about quitting smoking, losing weight, exercising more, etc, but how many of us keep those resolutions? I can tell you that I have never kept a resolution for more than a week, which is why I stopped making them a few years ago. I began to realize that my good intentions just did not hold out and the pressure of trying to keep a promise to yourself was just too much for me, so I folded. This year is a little different. I returned to Sarasota on January 2nd feeling the same way I always feel when I return from a trip, a little sad that it is over and a little relieved to be back in my regular routine. This time was different. On Sunday, when I got out of the shower, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized that this was another new year and I am still the same person. Every year I say to myself, this year will be different. I will lose the weight and I will be healthy and happy and every January 1st I am still in the same place, still weighing the same as I did the year before and not much closer to being healthy. This time, when I looked in the mirror, I got angry at myself. You may think I'm a little crazy (although those of you who know me well will not think this is strange), but I gave myself a stern talking to. Basically, I decided I'm tired of making excuses and I'm tired of being lazy and I'm tired of not reaching my goals. There is no reason why I can't lose the weight. I don't have a medical problem that is keeping it on. I am physically capable of exercising and being more active. The only problem I have is my attitude. I have a self-defeatist attitude. I think I have always had a self-defeatist attitude and it has kept me from reaching goals that I could very easily achieve. Now that I have identified the problem, it's time to tackle it. One of the ways I am going to do this is by being honest and taking responsibility for my actions. When I got on the scale last week and saw the amount of weight I gained, I owned it. I knew I wasn't watching what I was eating while I was in Chicago. I didn't exercise and I didn't follow my plan. That will change now. No more excuses and no more games. I want to look in the mirror next January and say "great job!" You accomplished your goals. You are not the same person you were last year, you've dropped weight, you're healthier, and, most importantly, you're happier.
So, I guess my resolution is to get rid of the self-defeatist attitude. It's not going to be easy, this has been my basic attitude since I was about 12 years old, so it will be a challenge to change a behavior that has been around for so long but I'm ready to try. I did get on the scale yesterday and I lost 3.6 pounds, so I'm off to a good start.
Thank you to everyone who continues to read and comment. I hope I will continue to inspire some of you to meet some of your own goals in 2010. I have a feeling this will be a good year!
Ok, I made it through the holidays, visiting with my family, and all the fattening food and I ended up gaining about 7 pounds, which puts me back to where I was when I first started this blog (talk about coming full circle). Since this is a new year, I think it's fitting that I'm starting over again, don't you agree?
Now, I'm sure some of you out there make New Year's resolutions, maybe about quitting smoking, losing weight, exercising more, etc, but how many of us keep those resolutions? I can tell you that I have never kept a resolution for more than a week, which is why I stopped making them a few years ago. I began to realize that my good intentions just did not hold out and the pressure of trying to keep a promise to yourself was just too much for me, so I folded. This year is a little different. I returned to Sarasota on January 2nd feeling the same way I always feel when I return from a trip, a little sad that it is over and a little relieved to be back in my regular routine. This time was different. On Sunday, when I got out of the shower, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized that this was another new year and I am still the same person. Every year I say to myself, this year will be different. I will lose the weight and I will be healthy and happy and every January 1st I am still in the same place, still weighing the same as I did the year before and not much closer to being healthy. This time, when I looked in the mirror, I got angry at myself. You may think I'm a little crazy (although those of you who know me well will not think this is strange), but I gave myself a stern talking to. Basically, I decided I'm tired of making excuses and I'm tired of being lazy and I'm tired of not reaching my goals. There is no reason why I can't lose the weight. I don't have a medical problem that is keeping it on. I am physically capable of exercising and being more active. The only problem I have is my attitude. I have a self-defeatist attitude. I think I have always had a self-defeatist attitude and it has kept me from reaching goals that I could very easily achieve. Now that I have identified the problem, it's time to tackle it. One of the ways I am going to do this is by being honest and taking responsibility for my actions. When I got on the scale last week and saw the amount of weight I gained, I owned it. I knew I wasn't watching what I was eating while I was in Chicago. I didn't exercise and I didn't follow my plan. That will change now. No more excuses and no more games. I want to look in the mirror next January and say "great job!" You accomplished your goals. You are not the same person you were last year, you've dropped weight, you're healthier, and, most importantly, you're happier.
So, I guess my resolution is to get rid of the self-defeatist attitude. It's not going to be easy, this has been my basic attitude since I was about 12 years old, so it will be a challenge to change a behavior that has been around for so long but I'm ready to try. I did get on the scale yesterday and I lost 3.6 pounds, so I'm off to a good start.
Thank you to everyone who continues to read and comment. I hope I will continue to inspire some of you to meet some of your own goals in 2010. I have a feeling this will be a good year!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Catharsis
I'd like to start this post out with an update on the weight loss. Since Thanksgiving I have lost 8 pounds. I have said good bye to the 260s, never to see them again. I really feel great and I actually feel like I am getting control over my eating. Don't get me wrong, the holidays continue to tempt me with sweat things, but I can have a little taste every now and again and not lose control. That is the big win! :)
Ok, last Saturday was not the best day for me. Actually, last week was not the best week for me. Stress, distractions, lack of motivation, and disappointments throughout the week culminated into a big crying fest on Saturday night. Now don't think I'm some big crybaby who falls apart every time things get challenging or don't go my way. This is not true. I am the type of person who lets things build up then watches a sappy movie, has a good cry, and feels a lot better. I like to refer to it as catharsis, which, according to the dictionary, is the Greek word for purification, purging, or cleansing. Anyone who has studied Ancient Greek theatre knows that tragedies were used to help purge or cleans the audience of their feelings. Those of you who have read or studied Oedipus know that the tragedy is used to move people to tears. Now a days melancholy dramas where either someone dies or someone has their heart broken (mostly someone dies) can bring people to tears and cause them to go through several boxes of tissues and end up with swollen red eyes and red noses (at least this has been my experience). The point is that things can become overwhelming and, when that happens, there has to be a release. I firmly believe that, if we didn't experience catharsis, whether it is through laughter or tears, we would probably explode. I think the Ancient Greeks were on to something here. So don't be afraid to cry (or laugh until you cry)!
Since it is now midnight (central time) I'd like to take this moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. May you all have a happy, healthy and peaceful Christmas. I would also like to thank everyone who reads my blog. Your comments and support really mean a lot to me. :)
Ok, last Saturday was not the best day for me. Actually, last week was not the best week for me. Stress, distractions, lack of motivation, and disappointments throughout the week culminated into a big crying fest on Saturday night. Now don't think I'm some big crybaby who falls apart every time things get challenging or don't go my way. This is not true. I am the type of person who lets things build up then watches a sappy movie, has a good cry, and feels a lot better. I like to refer to it as catharsis, which, according to the dictionary, is the Greek word for purification, purging, or cleansing. Anyone who has studied Ancient Greek theatre knows that tragedies were used to help purge or cleans the audience of their feelings. Those of you who have read or studied Oedipus know that the tragedy is used to move people to tears. Now a days melancholy dramas where either someone dies or someone has their heart broken (mostly someone dies) can bring people to tears and cause them to go through several boxes of tissues and end up with swollen red eyes and red noses (at least this has been my experience). The point is that things can become overwhelming and, when that happens, there has to be a release. I firmly believe that, if we didn't experience catharsis, whether it is through laughter or tears, we would probably explode. I think the Ancient Greeks were on to something here. So don't be afraid to cry (or laugh until you cry)!
Since it is now midnight (central time) I'd like to take this moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. May you all have a happy, healthy and peaceful Christmas. I would also like to thank everyone who reads my blog. Your comments and support really mean a lot to me. :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I change, you change, we all change...
Wow, it has been a long time since I posted a new update. Sorry for the delay folks. Still haven't gotten a plug for my laptop, but I will be taking care of that this week. :)
Ok, update time. Thanksgiving was good and the past few weeks have been good. I've lost 5 pounds total over the past 2 weeks, 3 of those pounds were lost during Thanksgiving week. Needless to say, I'm thrilled and I hope to continue the trend (although I haven't been on my best behavior this week, so we'll see).
I've talked a lot in this blog about some of the changes I've made in my life. Since I decided I wasn't happy and I needed to do something about it, good things have been happening. I got a promotion and made new connections at work. I've been on a few dates and have met new people. I've also noticed that people react to me more positively over the past 2 months. But, as you know, where there is good, there is also bad.
I'm sure you're wondering what the bad part of all of this is. Well, what I didn't realize when I began this journey is how much my changing myself was going to effect those around me. I've changed which has forced some of my relationships with friends and family to change and I think some of the people I love were not ready for this. I had no intentions to force others to change. In fact, I was only thinking about myself when I decided to make some changes. But change is a tricky thing. When you change your attitude and the status quo is no longer enough, it sets off a chain reaction that forces those around you to make adjustments and, possibly, make some changes themselves. Some of you might think this is a good thing, and it can be. But if the person likes their life as it is and you change it up, it is not so good. I have done this to some people that I really care about and I'm really sorry. But I know I can't go back, I can only go forward and hope really hard that the people who truly love and care about me will trust that, deep down, I'm still the same person and that they will be willing to go along for the ride.
So I am going to continue to push forward. Christmas is just two weeks away and then a brand new year. I am looking forward to what next year will bring. I can tell you this, I feel a lot more confident to face challenges and I am really excited to see what's next.
Happy Holidays everyone. I hope everyone enjoys this time with family and friends and takes stock in all the good things that life has to offer.
Ok, update time. Thanksgiving was good and the past few weeks have been good. I've lost 5 pounds total over the past 2 weeks, 3 of those pounds were lost during Thanksgiving week. Needless to say, I'm thrilled and I hope to continue the trend (although I haven't been on my best behavior this week, so we'll see).
I've talked a lot in this blog about some of the changes I've made in my life. Since I decided I wasn't happy and I needed to do something about it, good things have been happening. I got a promotion and made new connections at work. I've been on a few dates and have met new people. I've also noticed that people react to me more positively over the past 2 months. But, as you know, where there is good, there is also bad.
I'm sure you're wondering what the bad part of all of this is. Well, what I didn't realize when I began this journey is how much my changing myself was going to effect those around me. I've changed which has forced some of my relationships with friends and family to change and I think some of the people I love were not ready for this. I had no intentions to force others to change. In fact, I was only thinking about myself when I decided to make some changes. But change is a tricky thing. When you change your attitude and the status quo is no longer enough, it sets off a chain reaction that forces those around you to make adjustments and, possibly, make some changes themselves. Some of you might think this is a good thing, and it can be. But if the person likes their life as it is and you change it up, it is not so good. I have done this to some people that I really care about and I'm really sorry. But I know I can't go back, I can only go forward and hope really hard that the people who truly love and care about me will trust that, deep down, I'm still the same person and that they will be willing to go along for the ride.
So I am going to continue to push forward. Christmas is just two weeks away and then a brand new year. I am looking forward to what next year will bring. I can tell you this, I feel a lot more confident to face challenges and I am really excited to see what's next.
Happy Holidays everyone. I hope everyone enjoys this time with family and friends and takes stock in all the good things that life has to offer.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Strength, something found where you least exprect it.
This weeks blog is late because it's been really hard for me to pull my thoughts together in order to write. As I reported last week, I am currently in Chicago. Well Alsip, Illinois to be exact. I am sitting in the basement of the home I grew up in and have spent the past week on an emotional roller coaster. Coming up here to help out with my dad, who got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago, has not been easy. It's been hard watching him struggle with his difficulty walking and the fact that he has limited use of his left arm. He is an independent person who has to rely on others to help him get to the bathroom, help him dress, take a shower, cut up his food. I know the situation is not easy for him and, in turn, he becomes frustrated with himself and takes it out on the caregivers.
The week started off rough and I had a lot of flashbacks to my childhood. I am the type of person who does not like conflict. I actually hate it and I try to avoid it as much as possible. So to have to dive head first into a tense and somewhat volatile situation was not easy. Listening to my dad become frustrated and start yelling at my mom, at my brother, and at me was not easy. Sunday was especially rough. By 12:00pm, I was ready to either eat my weight in ice cream or be checked in to the nearest loony bin. Fortunately, neither one of those things happened. As the week progressed, things started to get better. Developing a routine with my dad, especially in the morning, really helped. Also, having a routine set for the shower really helped! I do have to say one thing that I've discovered about my father, he is a strong man. I've always known about his strong personality, his stubborn streak and his strong beliefs, but I've seen another side of his strength over the past few days. It takes a certain kind of strength to give up a part of your independence and not fall into a depression. I know he is worried that he will not be able to walk without a cane and brace and I know he is very worried that he will not be able to move his left arm again, but he continues to try. He goes to therapy three days a week and the days he does not do therapy, he does the recommended exercises and gets out of the house for a walk. The day after he came home from the hospital, my dad could only make it to the neighbor's driveway and back. He was very tired after walking upstairs to the bathroom and he had a difficult time completing the arm exercises. Now, he is walking almost to the end of the block, climbing the stairs without getting tired and completing all the exercises without as much difficulty. He is also more patient with us. I spent some one-on-one time with my dad today and he seemed to be more like his old self. He moved his left arm a little and started talking about getting better and moving past this. I am really proud of him and I truly hope he continues to focus on getting better.
As for myself, I am proud of my own strength. This week I have begun to realize that I can handle confrontation. That I my job is not to save others, but to point them in the direction to save themselves. You see, growing up, I tried to do everything I could to keep myself, my mom, and my brother out of trouble because I didn't like all the yelling and mean things that were said. Once again, I was faced with that same predicament. My dad would get frustrated and yell at my mom. My mom becoming frustrated with my dad and crying. At the beginning of the week, I tried stepping in to stop the yelling and to protect my parents. By Wednesday, I began to realize that was not my job. The only person I can protect is myself. The world does not fall apart when people yell at each other. Yes, it does suck for a while, but you work through it and things start to get better. I also realized that I can deal with my emotional stress and anxiety with exercise, writing, talking to a friend. I don't need to turn to food for that comfort, and I didn't. I'm not sure if I've lost weight, but I can say that I have gained a lot from this experience. I have faced that which is uncomfortable and survived. Food is not my saving grace, I am my own saving grace. For the first time in a long time I truly feel strong and I really feel good about myself.
So I return to Florida on Sunday with a mixture of sadness and relief. I will miss my family and I wish I had more time to spend with them and to help out. I am also relieved to go back to my crazy work schedule and life. I have spent the majority of this year caring for others and I feel I have earned some time to take care of myself. I am really glad I came up to help take care of my dad. My mom and my brothers are doing a fantastic job and I know when I leave he will be in good hands. I am also looking forward to seeing where he is with his recovery when I come back for Christmas. I do feel changed from this experience. Now I have to continue working on my confidence and remembering how I feel right now. I know I will continue to grow stronger and more sure of myself as time goes on. I also know that the weight will continue to come off because I am truly ready to become the person I've always known I could be.
As always, thanks for reading. Until next week, keep moving forward and keep honing your own strength, for there is strength in all of us.
The week started off rough and I had a lot of flashbacks to my childhood. I am the type of person who does not like conflict. I actually hate it and I try to avoid it as much as possible. So to have to dive head first into a tense and somewhat volatile situation was not easy. Listening to my dad become frustrated and start yelling at my mom, at my brother, and at me was not easy. Sunday was especially rough. By 12:00pm, I was ready to either eat my weight in ice cream or be checked in to the nearest loony bin. Fortunately, neither one of those things happened. As the week progressed, things started to get better. Developing a routine with my dad, especially in the morning, really helped. Also, having a routine set for the shower really helped! I do have to say one thing that I've discovered about my father, he is a strong man. I've always known about his strong personality, his stubborn streak and his strong beliefs, but I've seen another side of his strength over the past few days. It takes a certain kind of strength to give up a part of your independence and not fall into a depression. I know he is worried that he will not be able to walk without a cane and brace and I know he is very worried that he will not be able to move his left arm again, but he continues to try. He goes to therapy three days a week and the days he does not do therapy, he does the recommended exercises and gets out of the house for a walk. The day after he came home from the hospital, my dad could only make it to the neighbor's driveway and back. He was very tired after walking upstairs to the bathroom and he had a difficult time completing the arm exercises. Now, he is walking almost to the end of the block, climbing the stairs without getting tired and completing all the exercises without as much difficulty. He is also more patient with us. I spent some one-on-one time with my dad today and he seemed to be more like his old self. He moved his left arm a little and started talking about getting better and moving past this. I am really proud of him and I truly hope he continues to focus on getting better.
As for myself, I am proud of my own strength. This week I have begun to realize that I can handle confrontation. That I my job is not to save others, but to point them in the direction to save themselves. You see, growing up, I tried to do everything I could to keep myself, my mom, and my brother out of trouble because I didn't like all the yelling and mean things that were said. Once again, I was faced with that same predicament. My dad would get frustrated and yell at my mom. My mom becoming frustrated with my dad and crying. At the beginning of the week, I tried stepping in to stop the yelling and to protect my parents. By Wednesday, I began to realize that was not my job. The only person I can protect is myself. The world does not fall apart when people yell at each other. Yes, it does suck for a while, but you work through it and things start to get better. I also realized that I can deal with my emotional stress and anxiety with exercise, writing, talking to a friend. I don't need to turn to food for that comfort, and I didn't. I'm not sure if I've lost weight, but I can say that I have gained a lot from this experience. I have faced that which is uncomfortable and survived. Food is not my saving grace, I am my own saving grace. For the first time in a long time I truly feel strong and I really feel good about myself.
So I return to Florida on Sunday with a mixture of sadness and relief. I will miss my family and I wish I had more time to spend with them and to help out. I am also relieved to go back to my crazy work schedule and life. I have spent the majority of this year caring for others and I feel I have earned some time to take care of myself. I am really glad I came up to help take care of my dad. My mom and my brothers are doing a fantastic job and I know when I leave he will be in good hands. I am also looking forward to seeing where he is with his recovery when I come back for Christmas. I do feel changed from this experience. Now I have to continue working on my confidence and remembering how I feel right now. I know I will continue to grow stronger and more sure of myself as time goes on. I also know that the weight will continue to come off because I am truly ready to become the person I've always known I could be.
As always, thanks for reading. Until next week, keep moving forward and keep honing your own strength, for there is strength in all of us.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Reframing
I lost 1.2 pounds this week. I am slowly making my way out of the 260's and towards my goal. I was really happy to see another loss this week. I am trying to watch my portions and up my exercise. My new exercise goal is to reinstate my gym membership by January (I may have the extra money and there will be deals because of New Year's resolutions).
I had an interesting session with David, my Jenny Craig consultant, on Monday. I'm sure I've mentioned that I've been doing Jenny Craig for quite some time and have had mixed results. When I first started the program, my consultant was Nancy (who is now the site director). I lost 35 pounds when I was working with her and when she moved into the director position, I got a new consultant (and I stopped going and put the weight back on). David told me that he was talking with Nancy about me and she gave him some questions to ask me in regards to my motivation to lose weight. One question was do I think I deserve to be thin. This is a question I haven't thought about in a while and something that Nancy use to ask me when she was my consultant. The easy answer is yes, I deserve to be thin and to be able to wear normal sized clothes and not have to shop in the plus size, excuse me, women's department. But the answer is not as easy as that. If it were, I would have reached my goal long before now and not be struggling like I am. My real answer is I don't know. Being thin means a lot of changes. Changes in my relationship with food, with myself, and with others. It also means a lot of attention from others. I know the attention will be positive, but when you're use to not being noticed and you work hard to keep it that way, extra attention is uncomfortable. Also, I'm the type of person who gives to others. I am not one to put myself first. I don't know exactly when I became this way, but, for as long as I can remember, I've always put others before myself. I'm beginning to realize that, in order to lose the weight and be healthy, I will have to put myself first. I will have to start saying no to others at times and start doing things that will be good for me. I am 38 years old and I really do not have a good relationship with myself. I am not happy with the way I am and, since things have become uncomfortable for me, I really am ready to make some changes.
One of the first changes is to begin thinking about how it would feel to be 180 pounds (my goal weight). David and I talked about how if you want to be a certain weight, you have to eat like you are already that weight. Talk about a light bulb going off in my head. I never thought about weight loss like that, but it makes perfect sense. The only way to truly be successful in taking off weight and keeping it off is thinking about how a 180 pound person eats. Looking at what I'm eating, the size of my portions, and the snacking, and saying to myself "would I eat this if I were 180 pounds?" It is not going to be easy. It's easy to just eat whatever and not think about the amount of calories I'm putting into my body. It is not easy to consciously think about what I'm eating. But, like they say, if it's easy, it's not worth doing.
So my goal for this week is to begin thinking and eating like a 180 pound person. This will truly be a challenge because I am leaving for my parents' house on Friday and will be gone for a week. So I will be out of my routine and, something about being in the house I grew up in triggers me to want to eat all kinds of snacks and junk food. I will explore those feelings next week.
So, to those of you who are trying to make changes in your own lives, try thinking of yourself once you've reached that goal and focus on what that will feel like. Also know that everyone deserves to reach their goals and to be happy! :)
I had an interesting session with David, my Jenny Craig consultant, on Monday. I'm sure I've mentioned that I've been doing Jenny Craig for quite some time and have had mixed results. When I first started the program, my consultant was Nancy (who is now the site director). I lost 35 pounds when I was working with her and when she moved into the director position, I got a new consultant (and I stopped going and put the weight back on). David told me that he was talking with Nancy about me and she gave him some questions to ask me in regards to my motivation to lose weight. One question was do I think I deserve to be thin. This is a question I haven't thought about in a while and something that Nancy use to ask me when she was my consultant. The easy answer is yes, I deserve to be thin and to be able to wear normal sized clothes and not have to shop in the plus size, excuse me, women's department. But the answer is not as easy as that. If it were, I would have reached my goal long before now and not be struggling like I am. My real answer is I don't know. Being thin means a lot of changes. Changes in my relationship with food, with myself, and with others. It also means a lot of attention from others. I know the attention will be positive, but when you're use to not being noticed and you work hard to keep it that way, extra attention is uncomfortable. Also, I'm the type of person who gives to others. I am not one to put myself first. I don't know exactly when I became this way, but, for as long as I can remember, I've always put others before myself. I'm beginning to realize that, in order to lose the weight and be healthy, I will have to put myself first. I will have to start saying no to others at times and start doing things that will be good for me. I am 38 years old and I really do not have a good relationship with myself. I am not happy with the way I am and, since things have become uncomfortable for me, I really am ready to make some changes.
One of the first changes is to begin thinking about how it would feel to be 180 pounds (my goal weight). David and I talked about how if you want to be a certain weight, you have to eat like you are already that weight. Talk about a light bulb going off in my head. I never thought about weight loss like that, but it makes perfect sense. The only way to truly be successful in taking off weight and keeping it off is thinking about how a 180 pound person eats. Looking at what I'm eating, the size of my portions, and the snacking, and saying to myself "would I eat this if I were 180 pounds?" It is not going to be easy. It's easy to just eat whatever and not think about the amount of calories I'm putting into my body. It is not easy to consciously think about what I'm eating. But, like they say, if it's easy, it's not worth doing.
So my goal for this week is to begin thinking and eating like a 180 pound person. This will truly be a challenge because I am leaving for my parents' house on Friday and will be gone for a week. So I will be out of my routine and, something about being in the house I grew up in triggers me to want to eat all kinds of snacks and junk food. I will explore those feelings next week.
So, to those of you who are trying to make changes in your own lives, try thinking of yourself once you've reached that goal and focus on what that will feel like. Also know that everyone deserves to reach their goals and to be happy! :)
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