Reframing

I lost 1.2 pounds this week. I am slowly making my way out of the 260's and towards my goal. I was really happy to see another loss this week. I am trying to watch my portions and up my exercise. My new exercise goal is to reinstate my gym membership by January (I may have the extra money and there will be deals because of New Year's resolutions).

I had an interesting session with David, my Jenny Craig consultant, on Monday. I'm sure I've mentioned that I've been doing Jenny Craig for quite some time and have had mixed results. When I first started the program, my consultant was Nancy (who is now the site director). I lost 35 pounds when I was working with her and when she moved into the director position, I got a new consultant (and I stopped going and put the weight back on). David told me that he was talking with Nancy about me and she gave him some questions to ask me in regards to my motivation to lose weight. One question was do I think I deserve to be thin. This is a question I haven't thought about in a while and something that Nancy use to ask me when she was my consultant. The easy answer is yes, I deserve to be thin and to be able to wear normal sized clothes and not have to shop in the plus size, excuse me, women's department. But the answer is not as easy as that. If it were, I would have reached my goal long before now and not be struggling like I am. My real answer is I don't know. Being thin means a lot of changes. Changes in my relationship with food, with myself, and with others. It also means a lot of attention from others. I know the attention will be positive, but when you're use to not being noticed and you work hard to keep it that way, extra attention is uncomfortable. Also, I'm the type of person who gives to others. I am not one to put myself first. I don't know exactly when I became this way, but, for as long as I can remember, I've always put others before myself. I'm beginning to realize that, in order to lose the weight and be healthy, I will have to put myself first. I will have to start saying no to others at times and start doing things that will be good for me. I am 38 years old and I really do not have a good relationship with myself. I am not happy with the way I am and, since things have become uncomfortable for me, I really am ready to make some changes.

One of the first changes is to begin thinking about how it would feel to be 180 pounds (my goal weight). David and I talked about how if you want to be a certain weight, you have to eat like you are already that weight. Talk about a light bulb going off in my head. I never thought about weight loss like that, but it makes perfect sense. The only way to truly be successful in taking off weight and keeping it off is thinking about how a 180 pound person eats. Looking at what I'm eating, the size of my portions, and the snacking, and saying to myself "would I eat this if I were 180 pounds?" It is not going to be easy. It's easy to just eat whatever and not think about the amount of calories I'm putting into my body. It is not easy to consciously think about what I'm eating. But, like they say, if it's easy, it's not worth doing.

So my goal for this week is to begin thinking and eating like a 180 pound person. This will truly be a challenge because I am leaving for my parents' house on Friday and will be gone for a week. So I will be out of my routine and, something about being in the house I grew up in triggers me to want to eat all kinds of snacks and junk food. I will explore those feelings next week.

So, to those of you who are trying to make changes in your own lives, try thinking of yourself once you've reached that goal and focus on what that will feel like. Also know that everyone deserves to reach their goals and to be happy! :)