Years go by

I had a birthday this year.  I realize this is a stupid statement because everyone has a birthday every year.  But I had a big birthday this year.  One that I was in complete denial about that I had to leave the country to try and forget about it.  Yes my friends, I turned 40 on July 6th and spent my birthday in England, well London, actually at the Tower of London to be exact.

Why am I writing about this now?  Well, like I said, I've been in denial over my age and I actually came face to face with it over the weekend.  Last Saturday I watched the movie Pearl Jam 20 directed by Cameron Crowe.  The movie documented the band's beginnings in 1990, the release of "10" in 1991 and the band's subsequent rise to fame.  The movie showed clips of the young members in Seattle in 1991 and interviews with the band members today.  As I watched the movie, I realized that the members of Pearl Jam were my age or one to two years older.  As I looked at what the members looked like today, it hit me, I was no longer in my twenties.  Hell, I'm no longer in my thirties.  I had reached the age that I thought was way off in the distance. 

After the movie was over, I went into the bathroom to get cleaned up for work.  I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Where did these lines in my forehead come from?  Where did these lines around my eyes and mouth come from?  What happened to the young, idealistic woman I use to be?"

The truth is, I grew up.  Time has a funny way of sneaking up on you like that.  I am no longer the young, carefree person I was when I was 20, back when my only concerns were whether or not I was going to class that morning and scraping together $5-10 for pitchers of beer at the college bar (God I miss the days of the $3 pitcher).  Now, I have a career and bills and my taste in beer has matured from Miller Light.  I worry about the economy and my job.  I worry about my health, my parents' health, and trying to make ends meet.  I wonder if I'll ever get married and have children or if I will continue to be single.  The highs and the lows of the last 20 years of my life play out in my face and, the more I look at it, the more I like it.  The fact that I have laugh lines speaks to all of the good times I have had and the fact that I prefer to laugh at things, rather than take everything so seriously.

Overall, the last 20 years haven't been that bad.  I have had the opportunity to do a lot of great things and have a lot of memories that I cherish.  As I finished getting ready to go to work, I closed the door to my denial over my age.  I don't look like I'm 40 and I certainly don't act like it.  This is a new chapter in my life, one that I am ready to face as a confident and somewhat slimmer person.  I am ready for new adventures and challenges and I plan to make the most of every day.  Twenty years from now, I hope I can look back with fondness over how I spent the next 20 years.

I lost 0.2 pounds.  A little disappointing considering how much I exercised and tried to watch my food intake last week, but a loss is a loss no matter how small.  I worked out 4 days last week and spent 2 days pulling weeds, digging, and doing various jobs around the yard (and that was when I really felt my age.  It takes a lot longer now to bounce back from vigorous workouts than it did when I was in my 20's).

So remember, you are only as old as you feel, so continue to think and feel young!  Thank you all again for your support and comments, both here and on my FB page, and thanks for reading!

A picture of me at the Tower of London on my birthday.