Fear and Self-Loathing in Sarasota

Hello fellow eaters. This edition of Don't Eat That will either show that I am fairly normal because other people have done the same thing or that I am absolutely crazy. Read on to find out more...



The other night I was looking at myself in the mirror while I was brushing my teeth and I started thinking about my goals in life. I'm pretty happy with the progress I've made in my career, but my financial goals and my weight loss goals, not so much. In those areas, I feel like I'm constantly moving one step forward and 10 to 20 steps back. So I started to become frustrated with myself and my two sides, the therapist side and the client side, came out. Now, as a therapist, my job is to help guide the client towards reaching his or her goal. One way to do that is to confront the client with his or her own words and actions as a way of helping them see how they are blocking the way to their goals. So the therapist side of my brain began telling the client side of my brain that what I am doing is not working. Continuing to behave the way that I have been is not going to get me where I want to go. I reminded myself that the definition of insanity is when you continually behave one way and believe it will lead to a different result. That is what I've been doing. I don't know why, but I seem to think that I can continue to eat what I want and exercise half-heartedly and lose weight. Meanwhile, I have a freezer full of Jenny Craig meals that I know if I eat and follow the plan, I will loose weight. The same thing goes with my money. Bills will not go away if I ignore them. On the contrary, the phone will ring off the hook with people from India who go by the name of Bill (and you know that is not their real name) on the other line asking for credit card payments and wanting to know why you fell behind. I really am tired of both of these things and it is time I did something about it. The therapist side of my brain said, "You've said this before and yet, here you are in the same place and nothing has changed." "That's not true," the client side said, "I've lost some weight." "But you haven't lost enough and, frankly, I'm tired of being in the 260s. It's time for a real change and not just lip service." The therapist side is right, of course. There is something that continually holds me back. I haven't completely figured out what it is, but I really need to do some searching and find out why I just can't seem to make certain changes stick.

I also really need to look into some real therapy. Going between two different sides of my brain is beginning to make me feel a little schizophrenic. So, the quest to loose weight and make positive changes for myself continues. I do believe I will move off this plateau that I am on and begin to move again. Also, some new options have opened up on the financial front and I do believe I will be out of the red very soon.

I shall keep you posted. Also, if anyone else ever has these kinds of discussions with themselves, please let me know. It would be nice to know that I am not so strange. Also, I am taking suggestions for good therapists in the Sarasota area, preferably ones who specializes in dealing with multiple personalities. :)

Until next time, keep working towards your goals and keep eating!

Disappointment

Well it's week three into the new year and, so far, I'm doing pretty well in the weight loss arena. If you remember, in my last post, I informed everyone that I gained 8 pounds over Christmas. Well, so far, I've lost 4 pounds, 3 last week and 1 this week. So I'm back on the right track and feeling pretty good about myself. I'm also feeling good about the way I am handling things in my life. The title of this blog is disappointments and I experienced a big one last week. Now, to me, disappointment means when something you want pretty badly doesn't work out the way you would like. It could involve work, a relationship, a planned trip, it doesn't matter. It is just something that you were hoping for that does not occur. In the past, I would handle disappointment by eating my weight in ice cream (well, not exactly, but you get the point). Food has always been my comforter. I don't know why, but there is something very soothing about eating, especially eating something you really enjoy. Well I realize that it is not healthy or good for weight loss to gorge on sweet, fattening treats just because I'm upset. So when I faced a major disappointment last week, I turned to friends instead of food. You know what, I received that same feeling of comfort from talking to my friends as I felt when I ate. The good part is that I don't consume any calories when I talk to my friends. In fact, I probably burn some because I don't just talk with my mouth, I also use my hands and arms. Also, by talking to friends, I was able to work through my hurt and disappointment and I have begun to feel better. So talking things out is definitely better for me than eating (who knew?) So, to all my friends who allowed me to chew their ears off as I worked through my feelings last week, thanks! You guys are awesome and really kept me from going off the deep end (in regards to food, personally, I fell off the deep end years ago). I also want to thank everyone for reading. Writing this blog has really helped me identify my food triggers and has kept me honest about my weight loss. Who knows, if I wasn't writing this blog, I may have eaten my weight in ice cream last week instead of handling things in a more healthy way. So, for all of you who have faced disappointments or are currently trying to get over one, keep your chin up and don't be afraid to talk. This too shall pass. :)

Resolutions and responsibility

Happy New Year everyone. Yes I know it's already the second week of January and I am finally getting around to writing, but between traveling and getting back into the swing of things at work, time has not been on my side.

Ok, I made it through the holidays, visiting with my family, and all the fattening food and I ended up gaining about 7 pounds, which puts me back to where I was when I first started this blog (talk about coming full circle). Since this is a new year, I think it's fitting that I'm starting over again, don't you agree?

Now, I'm sure some of you out there make New Year's resolutions, maybe about quitting smoking, losing weight, exercising more, etc, but how many of us keep those resolutions? I can tell you that I have never kept a resolution for more than a week, which is why I stopped making them a few years ago. I began to realize that my good intentions just did not hold out and the pressure of trying to keep a promise to yourself was just too much for me, so I folded. This year is a little different. I returned to Sarasota on January 2nd feeling the same way I always feel when I return from a trip, a little sad that it is over and a little relieved to be back in my regular routine. This time was different. On Sunday, when I got out of the shower, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized that this was another new year and I am still the same person. Every year I say to myself, this year will be different. I will lose the weight and I will be healthy and happy and every January 1st I am still in the same place, still weighing the same as I did the year before and not much closer to being healthy. This time, when I looked in the mirror, I got angry at myself. You may think I'm a little crazy (although those of you who know me well will not think this is strange), but I gave myself a stern talking to. Basically, I decided I'm tired of making excuses and I'm tired of being lazy and I'm tired of not reaching my goals. There is no reason why I can't lose the weight. I don't have a medical problem that is keeping it on. I am physically capable of exercising and being more active. The only problem I have is my attitude. I have a self-defeatist attitude. I think I have always had a self-defeatist attitude and it has kept me from reaching goals that I could very easily achieve. Now that I have identified the problem, it's time to tackle it. One of the ways I am going to do this is by being honest and taking responsibility for my actions. When I got on the scale last week and saw the amount of weight I gained, I owned it. I knew I wasn't watching what I was eating while I was in Chicago. I didn't exercise and I didn't follow my plan. That will change now. No more excuses and no more games. I want to look in the mirror next January and say "great job!" You accomplished your goals. You are not the same person you were last year, you've dropped weight, you're healthier, and, most importantly, you're happier.

So, I guess my resolution is to get rid of the self-defeatist attitude. It's not going to be easy, this has been my basic attitude since I was about 12 years old, so it will be a challenge to change a behavior that has been around for so long but I'm ready to try. I did get on the scale yesterday and I lost 3.6 pounds, so I'm off to a good start.

Thank you to everyone who continues to read and comment. I hope I will continue to inspire some of you to meet some of your own goals in 2010. I have a feeling this will be a good year!