When I was a kid, adults would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well, when I was 7, it was an easy question to answer, a teacher. Between the ages of 7 and 11, I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to teach elementary school and would play school with my friends. This was also during a time when I really liked school and liked the idea of working with kids (or I was just really bossy and liked being in control).
When I was 11 years old and in 5th grade, I joined the drama club at school and got my first taste of acting. From that point until I graduated from high school, I wanted to be an actor. I loved acting. I loved having the chance to be someone else for a little while. I loved everything about the theater, and I still do. I was in several plays and musicals from 5th grade through college. The problem is, unless you are incredibly talented (or incredibly lucky) it is really hard to get a job as an actor. My parents were concerned about me struggling and being homeless and encouraged me to pick a career back-up plan. So I went off to college to try and figure out what I was going to do for the rest of my life.
I got into psychology after taking Abnormal Psychology during my second semester in college. I realized that I have an interest in people and what drives people to do what they do. Also, I realized that I was a good listener, a trait I should have picked up on long before college because I was the one my friends would come to when they were upset or needed to talk. As I continued through school, I realized that I could make a career out of listening to and trying to help others. What I didn't realize was that it would take more education for me to actually get to the point where I would be able to counsel others and I would not make a lot of money doing it. All that aside, I dived into my career choice and did everything that I needed to do to get to where I am today.
So, you're probably wondering why I titled this blog entry "What do I want to be when I grow up"? Well, I've recently left my job and have just been questioning my choices. I have had a rough time the past few months, made some mistakes because I was not fully on my game, and I have not been very happy. I'm beginning to wonder if I made the right choice, if being a counselor is really for me. I'm also a bit shaken up. I work hard and I try to do what is right, but I'm not perfect. I didn't ask for help when I really needed to (partially because I didn't know who to ask and partially because I didn't want to look like I couldn't handle the job) and I screwed up. Now I feel lost. I'm beginning to wonder if I can really be successful. I'm also wondering if I need to move in another direction. The problem is, I don't know what direction. I have to be honest, I never expected to be in this situation at this stage in my life.
So I will continue to ponder the question, what do I want to be... Maybe with some self-reflection and some guidance from friends, I'll figure it out.
